Today I realized that maybe I was doing something wrong because the amount of energy I was exerting into my life was not equivalent to the awesomeness that it should be producing. It’s simple math really, x energy exerted is y awesomeness created. Actually, that might not even be real math or that simple. I wouldn’t know, I got a pity-pass from my Statistics professor in Uni because I wouldn’t stop weeping outside her office door.
But I digress, back to me trying to solve the problem of my not-so-awesome life.
I pondered it some more after I dropped my daughter off at a Trampo-themed birthday party and sat down at a cafe nearby to further ponder over food. The first problem in my life: the curious case of how after years of dieting, yoga and Pilates, I still wasn’t a Victoria Secret Angel. I order Hummus and Falafel to help me think. The waiter, unaccustomed to a customer dining alone, insisted that my order was enough for one person. I did not agree. Chicken Liver and Spicy potatoes were added to the order. Yes, I wanted the darkness in my soul to be reflected in my order, hence chopped liver.
When I finished my meal, I realized that the pondering had gotten me nowhere and that the party still had an hour to go. No worries, there was a dessert shop nearby with excellent Surprise-Chocolate-Fudge-Cookie in a Pan. What’s the surprise you ask? Extra Kinder and Nutella stuffed in a secret middle layer of the cookie.
To cut a long story short, my pondering got me nowhere. It’s still a mystery. Which is why I have decided to think outside the box and hire some Indian guy who works at NASA or for Elon Musk to create a series of algorithms or what-not to help explain what I’m doing wrong and how to increase awesomeness whilst decreasing effort.
If you’re that Rahul or Sujesh, then please contact me ASAP.