Ever since I can remember, I’ve always had clear ideas of what I wanted to do or be. Whether it was pursuing a degree in Journalism, writing a book, getting a divorce or what career decision to make … my next step was always clear to me. That is, until very recently. Lately i’ve been jumping back and forth between ideas and goals, never really sticking to one thing because the decisions to pursue those things seemed unclear. I’ll suddenly decide to write a book and paralyze myself with trying to decide what genre it should be in. If I decide to blog I stop two posts in and overwhelm myself with questions of why am I blogging and what do I even want to blog about?
For someone who puts great importance in making the right decisions and following a plan, this has been a huge struggle for me. I hate the fact that over a year has passed in my life without any clear direction to it or how throughout this long period of time, I haven’t been working on a specific goal; instead I’ve been wandering aimlessly, starting and giving up on a dozen or so random projects … never really becoming passionate or committed to any of them.
If you’ve reached this far and you can relate, i’m sure you’re expecting me to have a smart or effective solution for the curse of the aimless wander but I’m sorry i’ll have to disappoint you. For now, i’ll try to silence the inner voice in my head that is demanding to know if this will be a lifestyle blog or a business how-to blog. The voice that consistently nags, desperate for answers to questions like what direction i’m moving in and what I want to gain from this?
Is this a waste of time?
Is this really what I want?
I don’t know. But i’ll keep writing til I do ..
And for now, i’ll try to get comfortable with being uncomfortable and hopefully you’ll join me on this journey of me wasting your time while I try to figure some shit out …