My Baby Turned Seven


You guys, I’ve been a mother for seven whole years. She’s healthy, she’s semi-literate, she knows how to lie when I need her to; I mean, I can pretty much say that I’ve done motherhood right.

Which is why i’m about to impart some very sage mommy advice:

  1. Marry rich, hire nannies.
  2. Train at a monastery in Tibet. You will need the patience of a Buddhist monk for when they piss the shit out of you by doing things like:
    1. channeling their inner Banksy and finger painting the fuck out of your guest room wall
    2. refusing to stand up to the bully in their class and inevitably getting strangled by that bully in gym class
  3. Try your best, be kind to yourself, repeat. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes because being a balanced, happy, healthy human is one of the most important examples you could set for your kids.

Anyway, I don’t want to turn this into a 3,000 word essay on modern motherhood, instead I’d love to hear from other parents out there.

What’s the best piece of parenting advice you can think of?


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