You guys, I’ve been a mother for seven whole years. She’s healthy, she’s semi-literate, she knows how to lie when I need her to; I mean, I can pretty much say that I’ve done motherhood right.
Which is why i’m about to impart some very sage mommy advice:
- Marry rich, hire nannies.
- Train at a monastery in Tibet. You will need the patience of a Buddhist monk for when they piss the shit out of you by doing things like:
- channeling their inner Banksy and finger painting the fuck out of your guest room wall
- refusing to stand up to the bully in their class and inevitably getting strangled by that bully in gym class
- Try your best, be kind to yourself, repeat. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes because being a balanced, happy, healthy human is one of the most important examples you could set for your kids.
Anyway, I don’t want to turn this into a 3,000 word essay on modern motherhood, instead I’d love to hear from other parents out there.
What’s the best piece of parenting advice you can think of?