Last night I started watching the new Wonder Woman movie. Emphasis on the started, because I never finished. If you’ve never heard of Wonder Woman’s Gal Gadot then let me describe her to you as simply as possible, she is Body Goals at its finest. I kept interrupting the movie to make remarks like “look at her posture” and “look at how she moves”. I was also texting the same thing to my best friend who suddenly decided to inform me that the actress was five months pregnant at the time. It was at that moment that I heard a tiny explosion and my universe went black.
Yes. I was so envious of Gadot’s body that I must have had a stroke and now I am blind forever. Everything was black, I couldn’t see my own hand in front of my face and just as I was about to accept my fate and agree that after seeing such a body, nothing was worth viewing again, I heard my mother say “oh, the electricity has gone out.”
This was at 7pm.
By 8pm I was thoroughly enjoying the fact that the universe had forcefully taken away from us all electronic devices. My phone had died out and I couldn’t charge it. There was no TV, Ipad’s were dwindling and as my parents, brother, daughter and I gathered in the living room under the gentle light of a candle, we chatted and laughed as we waited for the electrician’s team to be sent over (apparently it wasn’t just our house, it was the entire block).
By 9pm I was debating whether I could take a shower with nothing but the light of a single candle. My father ended that debate by telling me to sit my ass down, he was in no mood to visit the emergency room that night.
By 10pm it started getting hot (the average weather in Kuwait in July at night is in the late 40s celsius).
By 11pm I remembered that I had just stocked my fridge with fresh salmon, omega 3 infused free range organic eggs (the kind that cost 2 kidneys and half a liver), and expensive tubs of Greek yogurt. Was all that going to go to waste? Why was I being exposed to such white-girl, first-world punishment? What did I do in a past life to deserve this?
By 12pm I was tossing and turning in bed, unable to sleep from the heat and realizing that the darkness was getting to me. Is this what people getting tortured felt like? No. I refused to be that weak. I could survive a few hours in the heat, in fact the sweating will clean out my pores! I turned on my iPad to watch another episode of House of Cards but the screen immediately went dark. It was out of battery. I wept.
By 2am I was ready to write my memoir. I had suffered and people needed to read about it.
By 3am I had to calm my brother down. The emergency team sent down by the Ministry of Electricity had given up and ordered KFC. My brother said there would be no KFC til there was light, so they went back to work. He stood on the roof and watched them.
The electricity came back on at 5am, a full 10 hours later. I feel lucky to be here and to be able to tell you this story. I will now wait for Oprah to call me.