Food · Living

Your Ultimate Guide to Turning 30

Here is a list of some of the dumb shit i’ve done in the weeks leading up to my 30th Birthday.. Continue reading “Your Ultimate Guide to Turning 30”

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Random

The Extra-Marital Affair

A few years ago, if I sat across from a friend who I thought was about to make a big mistake in her life I would offer my time and advice and then watch with a heavy heart as she avoided taking it and dove face first into her fuckfest of an idea. Today, however, I have less time and energy to offer, mainly because I don’t want to develop grey hair or wrinkles worrying about other peoples’ problems but also because life has gotten very boring and i’m in dire need of entertainment.

Now, my method is to listen, judge silently, encourage them to move forward with their insane idea (message the guy who’s practically gotten a restraining order against you? Great idea!) and then sit back and enjoy the ride. If you’re thinking, God what a horrible friend, please know that what I lack in sincerity I make up for with cut-throat sarcasm and guacamole.

Which brings me to my topic today. Extra-marital affairs. It’s noon and i’m sitting across one of my most glamorous friends, between us lie two coffee mugs, plates of eggs benedict, truffle fries and Pistachio flavored pancakes. My friend had just flown in from the Maldives.

Continue reading “The Extra-Marital Affair”

Travel

If Someone Screams Girls Trip One More Time…

I went on a weekend getaway last week that didn’t start off too well. Being a person who was always on time, I arrived to the airport early and proceeded to wait for my two friends who ran in just as the counter was about to close, puffy faced and rambling about how they almost ran over a local celebrity. The gentleman at the counter was kind enough to let us through if they told him which local celebrity, after which we headed straight to the plane.

Just as we boarded a huge storm hit and the captain came out to tell us the that the airport was temporarily closed and if anyone wanted to get off the plane for a bit, that would be fine.. but apparently my friend heard “we’re all going to die, this is the end…” and literally panic-runs off the plane.

Continue reading “If Someone Screams Girls Trip One More Time…”